Confessions of an actress..

She was standing in the limelight of the 77th annual cine awards, her sketch being portrayed as perfectly as ever. She stood there smiling blissfully with her teeth of pure white, her flexible skin elongating to produce a perfect upward curve. She had been plastered with a silky white gown portraying her clevage and strapped to 7 inch stilletos that she had never been comfortable with.

She was a woman of strong moral fiber, at least she had been so, until she was forced to act because of her stunning radiance and sharp features. A girl of 16 she was, when the first opportunity of playing a modest role in a tv series came her way. She was least interested as she had been doing exceedingly well in her academics. She had already set her goals of becoming a chartered accountant, unlike her mother, an actress of the 1970s, least successful and in debt, a drunkard who couldn't make it till her 60th birthday.

She was very disappointed in ending up the same way her mother did. She had gained the fame of a super star, the money as a millionaire, she drove a lamborghini and few other biggies were parked right in the garage of her large bungalow, but she could never gain one thing, happiness. Her dream of becoming a chartered accountant shattered when she found her mother dead on the porch after one of her alcohol sprees. She was indebted to pay the creditors of her mother 50 lakh rupees.

She was baffled to do anything about it, until a friend of her mother lent her a helping hand. He introduced her to a television series and in a movie as a second heroine with a well-known director due to his influence. And in return, she had to be his mistress for many a time at his call. She had let tears of sorrow in her shower when she got ready for his night, had even tried to rip the veins off her arm, when she was caught red-handed by an NGO while in pursuit of her last breath.

She had passed many nights with him in intense sorrow and shame. While she bloomed into a successful actress, there were the public thronging at her in the roads to take a snap of her, to hold her hand, to get her autograph, but she never liked any of these. For when she launched herself into a temple or a shopping mall, men crowded her, taking the bad advantage of touching her in an unmannered way without anyone noticing and the photographers clicking away at her most awkward and revealing postures. Moreover all the snaps made the press and gossips about her personal life flew in the air.

She was a person of solitude, enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine, not the chill and conditioned air from the AC or the expensive shades which smeared black on her sunshine. An intellectually sound person she was, who liked to write on social issues, not dance like a ragged doll on screen at the director's call. She had travelled the world, but she would have done anything to stay home for one whole day.

Her name was listed in the nominees of the annual cine awards, a big event which will shower her with more rewards and fame. As she was speaking over the mic on how happy she was on being nominated and how wonderful it would be if she got the award with a smile plastered on her face, she was weeping inside, wanting no more fame, no more money or rewards, no more of the media.

She wanted people who looked up to her purely impressed by her inner serenity, to love her for her wisdom and sensibility, not her blemish-free skin or her well-exposed body. She did receive the award for 'the best actress' and a lot of fame and money along with it. She won even more admirers, stalkers and media cover-ups, but never got what she wanted with all her heart.

I dedicate this post to every woman who had faced such fearful events in their lives. To get what one doesn't want is the biggest fear of all and the women of today who boldly face such extremities are to be truly respected, cared for and loved, for what their heart craves for is real love and not our admiration of their outer beauty at the peak of their fame.

Image courtesy: Daniel Weisser Photography